Monday, January 25, 2010

Walking home from coffee this morning I came across a middle-aged woman flailing about on a busy street corner advertising for a local chiropractic clinic.
She was brandishing a poorly illustrated poster akin to those snazzy ad-spinners you always see outside mattress stores, and it got me thinking.. who came up with this ad technique to begin with? Though this woman may have been lacking the enthusiasm generally paired with mattress sale hysteria, she still was the only person for miles dancing sans music on a street corner so as to attract passerby who coincidentally are in need of realignment and/or adjustment?
Where do these guys learn their moves? Is there a class? Which dance sequences lure in the most customers? Does eye contact with a driver during a hip thrust do more harm than good? Do people that just bought a mattress buy another one just as a tribute to the under-appreciated dancing legacy on the corner outside the building?

Maybe my life's calling has presented itself to me at last. I think I could choreograph dance routines that would turn one-time mattress dancers into legends with lifelong careers. No casual driver would be able to resist my patented snap-and-spin technique, and people will own mattresses in such excess that my life will be threatened by rivals. See you on Wednesday? 5:30pm? Lessons start at $15.
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